For class, still in progress

First.

It's just one of those nights.
All I can hear are the bugs and
even the slight hum of the florescent light posts.
Now that I am paying attention,
it's actually quite loud.
Perhaps a yell, or shout in the distance.
But for the most part,
silence.
So silent, it is almost eerie.

A crack over there.
Just someone walking.

I sit and remember you.

And soon I realize,
I'm all alone.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Second.

A sunken feeling in my chest.
Oh, here it comes again. I know this feeling.
An unknowing spirit of darkness looming overhead.
It strikes when I least expect it, but once it's presence is made known, I know exactly why it came.
A shadow falls over me and chills rush through me.
I shiver in the blackness, feeling alone. Afraid. Weak.
The black hole grows.
This strange and uninvited weight is sucking in everything around me.
The light
Gone
People
Gone
You
Gone
My heart
Gone
__________________________________________________________________________________

Third.

I can feel it in my stomach.
Stirring
Twisting
Churning.
It's on uneasiness beyond compare.
A slight movement and I'll be nothing.
If I move, it will be all over
and I'll have nothing left.
So what am I supposed to do?
Just wait for it to pass?
I ride my carousel, spinning without a destination.
Spinning to force it. Spinning to make it happen.
How foolish of me! I think.
My painful decision is immediately a regret.
But it's too late.
I feel it rising and I'm past the point of no return.
Everything is destroyed.
I fall on the floor, my heart and bones like glass shattering to pieces.
I'm broken. Empty. Abandoned. Used.
_______________________________________________________________________________

Fourth.

Your sweet taste is all that seems to satisfy me.
Your thick aroma of troubles, freedom, and lust are intoxicating.
To the nothingness that I am,
this broken shell,
you are all the makes me feel worthy.
So bring another round, bartender.
Fill me up.
This pathetic excuse for a person doesn't need anything else.
Forget the people and the places of before.
Their happiness eventually only caused me pain.
They never cared.
But you, my tall glass of liquid love, you care.
You treat me right, and you never let me down.

So to you I return every night.
Every night until the memory of him is gone.
____________________________________________________________________________________

Fifth.

From the floor I awoke.
My head spinning and my mouth tasting horribly.
I could barely swallow.
The burning in my throat was like fire.
My first attempt of movement let me finally get my head up.
With my mini boost of stability, I made a second attempt to move.
This left me in more pain than I felt initially.
The third and fourth tries resulted in a bruised knee and a scraped elbow.
Upon my feet, I finally stood the fourth time.
The room was spinning, but I made out where I was.
A church.
What happened last night? I thought.
Wallet missing, every body part screaming in pain
But I'm here.
At a church.
Did I bring myself here?
Why did I come here of all places?




From my knees, I spoke.
A surrendering prayer.
Oh God, help me.